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4/23/2015 – Patricia A. Hawkenson’s Reflections – Believe It’s Not Butter

Believe It’s Not Butter

A Minister and his wife
ironically named Young
sold 1930’s babies
from the Ideal Maternity Home
while the unwanted ones
were staved
on molasses and water
and they lay to rest
those butterbox babies
in wooden crates
from the local dairy
used as coffins
and hundreds
of backfield mounds
were born
on the backs
of weeping women
who unknowingly fed
the notorious couple’s
voracious appetite
for bread.

6/03/2012 – Patricia A. Hawkenson’s Reflections – Dandelions

Dandelions

Summer offers
her warming light
so playful children
can butter their chins.

Finally going to seed
it takes only a puff of air
to tear them limb from limb
and send them flying.

Each little fluff

flies to a tender place
that welcomes it
and lets it grow.

And dandelions, too,
want nothing more
than the wind to lift them
and carry them home.

4/27/10 Patricia A. Hawkenson’s Reflections – Spring Deluge

(Many of you know that I have not been in the best of health for over a month. I am now on a medical leave, hoping for less stress, and more healing. Thank you for your patience. I appreciate those of you who I see still coming back.)

Clouded

Spring brings the deluge,
the pouring of sky’s soul.

Here I drip
many days’ deluge
finally feeling
ready to fall.

Iris

Watering Can

Eyes blurred,
I planted iris bulbs
crooked.

First shoots,
curved leaves leaned,
proved my pain.

Yet today’s stem
of tomorrow’s flower –
straight up.

Straight down,
a pint of past beauty,
for a bud of hope.

Screams Drift Up

Only her eyes moved,
darting back and forth,
my god, oh, my god.

His eyes open,
starring into the sky;
she knew him, dead.

They took him
in hushed tones;
she alone on the hill.

Her screams bent
allowing no words,
just agony.

Her body curled
sobbing with her softly,
then gut wrenching.

He took her life.
Even her pockets
were empty.

Push Me, Pull Me

I have reached for the tissues
more than five times
and the pile of my agony
still grows.

Tomorrow I will pick them up
and toss them in the trash,
but today the floor
is where my heart
will lay.

Somewhere around
tissue eight or nine,
anger will come out of the box
and I will cry

no more.

The Concert is Canceled

I have never been a fan of singers
whose voices lift
the spirits of thousands.

And, Wind,
I am no fan of yours.

You roll my child’s ball
making her run
far away from me.
You curl my shoulders,teasingly tossing my hair
to obstruct my view.

Every second I have lost
from seeing
my sweet child’s face
in playful laughter
can not be returned.

Wind,
do not sing
your beguiling song here.
The price you charge,
too high.


Thanks For Letting Me Know

Darkness hid every drop
of rain that evening.
I could hear only
the tiny pings on the roof.
I felt the heaviness
of pressured air.

There was no line
between day and night,
between calm conversation
and drips of cutting cynical words.

Unwarned came the torrents,
the angry cry of clouds.
Finally, when it returned to a drizzle,
soft and steady,
the rain became my comfort
as you went out the door.


The Night Hid the Fog

They all stood on this hill,
stomachs hungry
for more than the rinds
of day old bread.

Yet their voices are lost,
wispy like dying fires
after the dead coals
are stomped and ground.

We have not feed them,
filled their need,
while our own greed
has stolen their future.

Children can not play,
innocent in their day
when the sun only makes
cross shadows on the hill.

Trying to Find Myself

My large kitchen spoon
bent too easily
as I tried to dig
to China.

The top soil
was thin,
so thin,
barely covering
the rock below.

My mom
wasn’t impressed
by my efforts then.

I just kept
on digging.


According to Me

Please keep
those tasty,
tempting,
tantalizing,
thesaurus teasing
bites of you
in this place where
I devour them.

According to me
it is easier
to fight
the robot codes
that to fight
my weight.

I will be
the Biggest Loser
if you bail and post
where I can’t
read your words.


Do I Blame the Squirrel or Rabbit?

Yesterday, there was one leaf,
green and growing strong.

It was the promise
of one tulip,
the mystery
of its color,
red,
yellow,
pink,
growing by the base
of my tree.

Today,
chewed off, again.
Just like last year.

I could blame
Princess,
my white squirrel
who circus walks the top
of our cedar fence.

I could blame
the rabbit,
who doesn’t deserve
a name,
chewing his door in the bottom
of our cedar fence.

Or I could blame
the fence.

Selfishly
holding back
this year’s view
of the carried,
buried treasure
of my neighbor’s
tulip bulbs.


Sr. Mary Aloysius

Sr. Mary Aloysius,
fingers sliding
over pearlized beads,
keys jingling
in an unseen pocket,
bends down
to tie her black shoes tight.

Then a quieting finger
covers her thin lips.
She points to God
who apparently
was still looking
down
on us
even though we had already checked
our laces
and our manners.

I wanted to say
she was making more noise
than us,
but little girls
wearing tissues
for our missing chapel caps
already had enough

to pray about.

To Remember the Day

Somewhere around fifty
our brains shifted
from abstract thinking
about the events
of the day,
who is going where
and what they’re going to do,
to the minute details
of puss oozing
from our ears
and sciatic nerve damage
that radiates down our legs.

To remember the day
that meds our should be increased
while calculating
the effort needed
to climb a flight of stairs,
we need to shift
our creaking bones
to a place where we
remember the day
when we were too young
to care that we’d grow old.

Two Scoops

Just when I think
I know it all,
the electrifying
realization
of your 2 to 1 ratio,
proves, once again,
the magnetism
between my spoon
and a quart of frozen custard
is justifiably intensified
by the viscosity
of my tears
and the volume
of her breasts.

Two Wrongs

Global warming,
earth’s demise,
heating arguments
conflicting
with knowledge
we all insist
is true.

Scientists can’t cool
the fiery tempers
of melting icebergs
and angst filled teenagers,
floating soul sisters,
colliding
and damaging
their sinking feelings

hidden

below.

He Knew That I Cut Snowflakes

He is thirteen
seen forever
by sensitive souls
who pass his hillside,
who hear his muffled
cry.

Scissors.

Duck tape
wrapped around
his mouth
his nose,
his eyes alone
cry.

Scissors.

I drive on,
no scissors
in my car,
my radio,
just a little louder.

Even Solomon Loved a Sale

A piece of paper,
value kept,
worth
fifty percent off
any number
of items
needed,
desperately
needed,
has now died,
died,
an untimely death
with the flipping
of the calendar.

Expired.

Hoarders lament,
tearing their treasure,
each half
now fifty percent
of nothing.

Hairball Island

Only an old cat
can chuck up
a hairball,
stringy,
stinky,
slippery,
that floats
like an island
in a sea of slime.

Only me
left to wipe it up.

That old cat
and I
ebb and flow
with my paper towels
and his rough tongued kiss.

A Spare Tire was in the Back

Wheels spun,
rolling down the road,
screeched us to a halt.

Time was my enemy of love,
held a hand up,
prevented our crossing.

No opportunity
to look both ways,
longingly down the road.

Then my heavy breasts,
filled past love’s capacity,
rested before they got home.

Damn flat.

Washburn

Chequamegon Bay
quiet as the foaming
washing of rocks,
slow as applebutter
spread on toast.

Where lupines wave
their purple spires
giving seed to
crumbling
sandstone churches.

Barren blueberries
dust of pine
buckets of smelt
batter dipped
and fried.

Then brandy slush
it all till snow
covers the land
marking my trail
home.

A Writer’s Fear

Anticipating adrenaline’s rush
mingled with salty popcorn,
the script,
the first sacrificial victim,
heavy in the weight
of the writer’s agonizing
choice of words
falls
to its live or die
ending
with the first reader’s
ominous words:

“I don’t get it.”

11/15/09 Patricia A. Hawkenson’s Reflections – Roots Made Cracks in Our Sidewalk

Roots Made Cracks in Our Sidewalk

Photo by Patricia A. Hawkenson

Photo by Patricia A. Hawkenson

I took my wagon
to the end of our block
knowing I could not go
any further.

Standing there
I waited
for my mother
to bring me
home.

It felt forever
till she came
gathering me
into her arms,
pulling my wagon
home.

It is closer
to our forevers now,
but I am not ready
to let you go.

If you could only tell me
what street to cross
to the corner
of Cancer and You,
I will bring
my wagon.

Ride with me.
Hang on tight.

It’s going to be
a bumpy ride
home.

7/27/09 Patricia A. Hawkenson’s Reflections

Sands Through the Hour Glass

Digging into morning sand
they build a temporary castle
while their stories invent
the hidden occupants.

A moat is dug deep
with hands and buckets
as the water flows
around them all.

Finally protected
from beast and foe,
her daughter smiles
beyond her cheeks.

But only a mother
can measure the day
when her five o’clock tired
is finally built up.

The distance between them
was shortened through play,
so it’s time to pack up
and head for home.

7/03/09 Patricia A. Hawkenson’s Reflections

The Wind Was Singing

Dew laden grass made her shoes glisten
in the early morning sun
but the berry bushes were stingy
so she had to travel on.

The forest branches were bending to and fro
with welcoming arms that beckon children
to those dark and silent spaces
hiding quietly between the trees.

But the wind was whistling a pleasant tone,
almost a song that left a happy feeling,
so she left her basket by the mossy glen
to chase a butterfly floating on the sound.

But the dark and silent spaces
hiding quietly between the trees
eat little girls for breakfast
when the berries are not ripe.

On the Sidewalk

Much more than a solid path
directing me from place to place,
the sidewalk goes on and on
pieced tightly together
like the days we’ve lived.

Yet today, the sun’s heat
has evaporated the wet remembrances
of last night’s summer rain
turning my child’s chalk drawings
into unrecognizable colored streaks
upon the sidewalk.

The passers-by stop briefly
looking down on the cement
intrigued by the thought
of what might have been.

Then they walk on
stepping on all our dreams.

On the Way Home

Driving south on highway 63,
just past Cable,
my car takes me past the bend
where trees bow their branches wide
in homage to the Namekagon,
and its tempting glistening corridor
pulls me to its waters.

In my mind’s instant wandering
I’m on a languid inner tube
floating down the river.
Dragging a stick behind me
like a paintbrush,
I draw swooping birds
that follow me as I linger
with my hair bobbing like seaweed
catching the current.

My toes are dangling
where minnows can circle them
and my fingertips filter the coolness
as I push away from rippled rocks
where anglers could tangle me,
small mouth, or northern.

I drift away from all the thoughts
that steer me in my car
because the river flows on a different path
than where I thought I’d travel.

No Bullies Allowed

My teacher has a sign hanging in our classroom:
No Bullies Allowed.
And she means it.

She won’t let anyone
call me names like Gap or Gumby
just because my front teeth are gone.

No Bullies Allowed.

But summer is here and my teacher is on vacation
so there is no one to stop Mom
from rubbing salt in my wound
with this taunting,
butter dripping,
golden ear of corn.


6/30/09 Patricia A. Hawkenson’s Reflections

Within An Inch of Your Life

Any six-year-old can tell you
that time is an elusive creature
who slips and slides around you,
a mercury edged chameleon.

Morning comes with parental directives
that pulls you from bed
with reminders of the bus
and time is measured in the smoke of toast.

At school the teacher’s explanations
clutter your thinking
and mistakes happen
and time is measured in eraser crumbs.

And recess allows the freedom of spirit
and you run and scream
while friends play kickball
and time is measured in innings.

Boredom comes in the afternoon
and you pick off fur fluffs
from your favorite stuffed animal
and time is measured in the bald spot.

It takes an eternity to for seven birthdays to come
and tomorrow holds the promise of presents,
but the chameleon is shape shifting once again
and time is measured in dreams.

Money Back Guarantee

The water is crystal clear
so you can see the desires
of a hundred people
thrown in the wishing fountain.

Two dimes kiss with the promise of love
and huddle together for comfort
while reflecting quarters flash like cameras
and boast the cost of fame.

But my little penny slowly drifting down
settling small upon the bottom
is distorting my dreams in the waves
and I wish I hadn’t thrown it.

There Were 37

There was a small spider that I easily squished,
but then another large bulb shaped one
came crawling out of a hole in the wall.

I called for my daughter to squish it
but she just lightly poked it with a pencil
only making it angry enough to bare its teeth at us.

The odd thought for me is not really the spider
and what it might represent in my dream,
but I seem to know that we are in our home.

A place where I know to look for my broom,
and surprised to NOT find it where I know it should be
in this home where I have never lived.

How can my mind create images and memories so clear
that I can tell the color and feel of the cloth on the table
and count the coarse hairs on the back of a spider?

6/27/09 Patricia A. Hawkenson’s Reflections

Immigrants

The family had to move so they gathered their possessions
loaded into labeled boxes and overstuffed laundry baskets
and they stuffed their cars to the tops of the windows.

When the house was empty the yard was cleared
of toys and hoses and the family took one last look
and drove away leaving only their memories.

But limp in the backyard were their forgotten hostas
huddled together in a tight cluster
growing green and striped in beauty.

The cleaner came to wash out the old and paint in the new
and as he was packing his supplies the new owners arrived
taking one look at the yard they complained.

“Get those weeds out of here, too.” Then they went inside.
So the cleaner took his shovel and sliced between the bulbs
gently placing them into plastic bags in the back of his truck.

He brought them home to his wife who exclaimed, “Hostas!”
Soon transplanted and watered in their new beds,
the hostas sighed and drank it in. They were finally home.