Oh, the pain, the pain
when you expect
the world
from me.
I’m afraid.
Without any
affirmative
programming,
I feel lost
in this vacuum
unable to reach you
or the stars.
I lack the ability
to deduce
your cryptic
robotic stance
filled with
danger, danger.
Oh, the pain,
the pain.
PAD Day 3 Message Poem
Collected pain drips
from an assortment
of wobbly elbows
until this night’s convergence
of long island tea
and bloody marys
leaves their imprints
far too messed up
for any psychic to read
before the barkeep
wipes the stench away
gathering bits of their souls
into a yellowed sheet
now filled with their piss
and vinegar.
I Learned From the Best of Them
Bent over
in a mocking bow,
he should not
be jealous
of what I know.
For my fingers
know the quick wind
of a knife blade
taunting closer,
in a father’s control
of his child’s fear.
My eyelids know
the pain of closing
while trying
to look straight
ahead.
My back felt the spaces
welt between the bars,
the blackness of blood
on my white sheets.
I knew how
to hold it all inside
until my keyboard grabbed
my fingers tight
and forced them all
to fly away.
The tree lost
a seed falling
landing upon the dew soft grass.
The earth allowed a space
to snuggle
till thin roots dug darkly deep.
I had to wet-knee crawl
as if my tears
knew the source of my pain.
Every dent in the moss
allowed me
to wallow.
Till the mushroom
shouted
hope.
(Many of you know that I have not been in the best of health for over a month. I am now on a medical leave, hoping for less stress, and more healing. Thank you for your patience. I appreciate those of you who I see still coming back.)
Spring brings the deluge,
the pouring of sky’s soul.
Here I drip
many days’ deluge
finally feeling
ready to fall.
Eyes blurred,
I planted iris bulbs
crooked.
First shoots,
curved leaves leaned,
proved my pain.
Yet today’s stem
of tomorrow’s flower –
straight up.
Straight down,
a pint of past beauty,
for a bud of hope.
Only her eyes moved,
darting back and forth,
my god, oh, my god.
His eyes open,
starring into the sky;
she knew him, dead.
They took him
in hushed tones;
she alone on the hill.
Her screams bent
allowing no words,
just agony.
Her body curled
sobbing with her softly,
then gut wrenching.
He took her life.
Even her pockets
were empty.
I have reached for the tissues
more than five times
and the pile of my agony
still grows.
Tomorrow I will pick them up
and toss them in the trash,
but today the floor
is where my heart
will lay.
Somewhere around
tissue eight or nine,
anger will come out of the box
and I will cry
no more.
I have never been a fan of singers
whose voices lift
the spirits of thousands.
And, Wind,
I am no fan of yours.
You roll my child’s ball
making her run
far away from me.
You curl my shoulders,teasingly tossing my hair
to obstruct my view.
Every second I have lost
from seeing
my sweet child’s face
in playful laughter
can not be returned.
Wind,
do not sing
your beguiling song here.
The price you charge,
too high.
Darkness hid every drop
of rain that evening.
I could hear only
the tiny pings on the roof.
I felt the heaviness
of pressured air.
There was no line
between day and night,
between calm conversation
and drips of cutting cynical words.
Unwarned came the torrents,
the angry cry of clouds.
Finally, when it returned to a drizzle,
soft and steady,
the rain became my comfort
as you went out the door.
They all stood on this hill,
stomachs hungry
for more than the rinds
of day old bread.
Yet their voices are lost,
wispy like dying fires
after the dead coals
are stomped and ground.
We have not feed them,
filled their need,
while our own greed
has stolen their future.
Children can not play,
innocent in their day
when the sun only makes
cross shadows on the hill.
My large kitchen spoon
bent too easily
as I tried to dig
to China.
The top soil
was thin,
so thin,
barely covering
the rock below.
My mom
wasn’t impressed
by my efforts then.
I just kept
on digging.
Please keep
those tasty,
tempting,
tantalizing,
thesaurus teasing
bites of you
in this place where
I devour them.
According to me
it is easier
to fight
the robot codes
that to fight
my weight.
I will be
the Biggest Loser
if you bail and post
where I can’t
read your words.
Yesterday, there was one leaf,
green and growing strong.
It was the promise
of one tulip,
the mystery
of its color,
red,
yellow,
pink,
growing by the base
of my tree.
Today,
chewed off, again.
Just like last year.
I could blame
Princess,
my white squirrel
who circus walks the top
of our cedar fence.
I could blame
the rabbit,
who doesn’t deserve
a name,
chewing his door in the bottom
of our cedar fence.
Or I could blame
the fence.
Selfishly
holding back
this year’s view
of the carried,
buried treasure
of my neighbor’s
tulip bulbs.
Sr. Mary Aloysius,
fingers sliding
over pearlized beads,
keys jingling
in an unseen pocket,
bends down
to tie her black shoes tight.
Then a quieting finger
covers her thin lips.
She points to God
who apparently
was still looking
down
on us
even though we had already checked
our laces
and our manners.
I wanted to say
she was making more noise
than us,
but little girls
wearing tissues
for our missing chapel caps
already had enough
Somewhere around fifty
our brains shifted
from abstract thinking
about the events
of the day,
who is going where
and what they’re going to do,
to the minute details
of puss oozing
from our ears
and sciatic nerve damage
that radiates down our legs.
To remember the day
that meds our should be increased
while calculating
the effort needed
to climb a flight of stairs,
we need to shift
our creaking bones
to a place where we
remember the day
when we were too young
to care that we’d grow old.
Just when I think
I know it all,
the electrifying
realization
of your 2 to 1 ratio,
proves, once again,
the magnetism
between my spoon
and a quart of frozen custard
is justifiably intensified
by the viscosity
of my tears
and the volume
of her breasts.
Global warming,
earth’s demise,
heating arguments
conflicting
with knowledge
we all insist
is true.
Scientists can’t cool
the fiery tempers
of melting icebergs
and angst filled teenagers,
floating soul sisters,
colliding
and damaging
their sinking feelings
hidden
below.
He is thirteen
seen forever
by sensitive souls
who pass his hillside,
who hear his muffled
cry.
Scissors.
Duck tape
wrapped around
his mouth
his nose,
his eyes alone
cry.
Scissors.
I drive on,
no scissors
in my car,
my radio,
just a little louder.
A piece of paper,
value kept,
worth
fifty percent off
any number
of items
needed,
desperately
needed,
has now died,
died,
an untimely death
with the flipping
of the calendar.
Expired.
Hoarders lament,
tearing their treasure,
each half
now fifty percent
of nothing.
Only an old cat
can chuck up
a hairball,
stringy,
stinky,
slippery,
that floats
like an island
in a sea of slime.
Only me
left to wipe it up.
That old cat
and I
ebb and flow
with my paper towels
and his rough tongued kiss.
Wheels spun,
rolling down the road,
screeched us to a halt.
Time was my enemy of love,
held a hand up,
prevented our crossing.
No opportunity
to look both ways,
longingly down the road.
Then my heavy breasts,
filled past love’s capacity,
rested before they got home.
Damn flat.
Chequamegon Bay
quiet as the foaming
washing of rocks,
slow as applebutter
spread on toast.
Where lupines wave
their purple spires
giving seed to
crumbling
sandstone churches.
Barren blueberries
dust of pine
buckets of smelt
batter dipped
and fried.
Then brandy slush
it all till snow
covers the land
marking my trail
home.
Anticipating adrenaline’s rush
mingled with salty popcorn,
the script,
the first sacrificial victim,
heavy in the weight
of the writer’s agonizing
choice of words
falls
to its live or die
ending
with the first reader’s
ominous words:
“I don’t get it.”
PROMPT 4: Write a history poem.
Sidewalks
colored, Easter chalk,
drawing green twisting tendrils.
Sunny morning,
kneeling day
in white lacy gloves.
Mother’s warning,
“Take them off”
still ringing in my ears.
I remember
yellow blooms
big as her opened hand.
With sheers in hand,
draw out winter pain
by cutting to the quick.
My hibiscus can’t run like me,
stuck
kneeling deep in dirt.
Today begins the PAD (poem a day) challenge at Poetic Asides. Although my health is a day-to-day battle, I am attempting to compete again. Armed with an arsenal of medications, I am back in the trenches. I will be posting my poems here and at Poetic Asides. Please leave comments that would help me choose my TOP 5 for the month, as that is all I can finally submit at the end of the month. I appreciate all the support my friends, poet community, and family have given me to keep me going. THANKS!
PROMPT 1: Write a lonely poem.
Cat’s purr
enticing me
fighting to stay awake.
Chair knowing me
my weight pressing
our lonely embrace.
Clock mocking me
chiming in
filling my nothing day.
Cat seeking warmth again
playing with my furniture
with Shadows hiding the Sun.
Could I be losing
more than a game
as Pain becomes my friend?
Tender PointMorning awakes in a drafty mood,
dark and sleepy,
when fibro fog slips under
her blanket
reaching down to cloud the source
of her pain.
Her head, neck and shoulders
are again unsure
if the day’s plans are reason enough
to move
her tightly knotted muscles
into a façade
of normalcy.
Her fitful sleep only provided
exhaustion
and her stiffened jaw
has difficulty concentrating
on the words needed
to explain her pain.
The slowness
in her depressed eyes
cries quietly for each ligament
each tendon,
every soft fibrous tissue of her body.
He pulls off her blanket
as she tries to stand
wondering where he is allowed
to touch her
today.
look, look deep into your eyes
behind the color blue
______rimed with darkness
a nebula world, one few know
few care, few will ever see
in twilight, your eyes open
letting in the nights shadows
_______shadows that fill you
shadows that complete you
weaving webs of deceit and fear
beware the dimly lit paths
aglow around you, drawing, pulling
_______like spirit lights on the moors
we will suck you dry and snatch your soul
no second chance, no escape
extreme sadness
____heart empties
into river of tears
hardens
as your face fades
nothing, nothing left,nothing
no you ,no us
_____alone with
just shadows of where you once were
old creaking joints
skin drawn tight
across skinny bones
lips once soft, smooth
pulled slightly apart
reveal yellowed teeth
hideous form caught in time
indurated, it blinks while dreaming
of tea party’s and lacy pink dresses
feeble, mind dull, it stops and grins again
my face, it’s face slid from it’s once firm place
a face that shadows me
useless, feeble, slow when once I know
yes, once I know I ran deer footed
and laughed, laughed out loud
when once I wore those lacy pink dresses
and danced the night away
trailing soft summer flowers
fleeting are our days
count count the hours as they pass
petals drop fore lorn
Bags tied to an old cart
Again and again she stops
Garbage her only friend
Lonely and homeless
Agatha walks on unknown
Day after day seeking cover from the cold
Yielding in the end to the ice and snow
did I remember to forget your kiss
drinking while softly singing your song
did I run out in the rain, too late
where now nothing but silent shadows remain
will you fade from my heart full of pain
