Expressive Domain

Poetry of Patricia A. Hawkenson, Expressive Domain is a close look at life.


10/23/09 Patricia A. Hawkenson’s Reflections – Like Nobody’s Business – I Have Used Up My Allotment of Pixie Dust

Like Nobody’s Business

She could blame the caffeine
or the thousand and one
details and unmade decisions
that follow her
home from work
waking her up
at 3:07 to throw off
covers and expectations
of a good night’s sleep,
but she doesn’t.

She just stumbles
to the bathroom,
closing her eyes again
to the glare of the light,
only a sliver
squeezing through
while cupping her hands
trying to sip enough
to swallow an aspirin.

She lay back down,
dreams beginning
to slide again
into distorted cubicles
and his accusation
that work
is
her life.

When the alarm finally rings,
its sharpness
reawakens that throbbing headache,
and she finds only a dribble
of relief
rolling onto the coolness
of his side of the sheet.

She could blame him
for her pain
and her thirst,

but she doesn’t,

faulting only her skillful fingers,

unable to catch water

or men.

I Have Used Up My Allotment of Pixie Dust

Talking frogs
and levitating children
danced with mushrooms
in my imagination.

Fanciful sojourns
to mystical places
could hold me
spell bound
for hours at a time.

Then I grew
too busy for books,
my hands caught up
in other tasks.

Untethered,
I have flown
into the place
where exertion
and exhaustion
collide.

If a floating lady
with a sparkling wand
wants to make me
sleep for a thousand years,

then let her.

9/22/09 Patricia A. Hawkenson’s Reflections

Bridge Support

Connecting South Curry Street to North Curry Street,
the city begins its race toward progress
building a viaduct over the her garden
spanning three gridiron railroad tracks.

The coal dust settles as the trains roll by
with warning horns echoing off the concrete.
The cats begin to wander farther from home,
her concern for them not allowing her sleep.

Her fear settles on the train’s slicing wheels,
while her cats scurry from their grinding sound.
Their stomachs empty, no mice to chase,
rumble like the trains that scare them away.

She sings for her cats to come in from the rain
that nourishes the leaves of her buried potatoes
growing under the viaduct, not under the sun,
hardly producing a bagful to harvest.

The city waits for her elderly years to wither.
They want her land for a convenience store
where people can come in the dead of night
to buy their cats milk and a sack of potatoes.

Not So Black and White

Before being demolished today, the Skunk House,
with haunting empty rooms was an invitation to teens
who wrote on the walls and destroyed furniture
while stabbing a dressmaker’s dummy to death.

City officials, knowing my mother,
and thinking of possible items of value,
suggest she venture in to see what she wants,
perhaps there are books her children could read.

I beg my mother to let me go with,
not afraid of spooks or terrorizing ghosts,
or the stories kids tell of murderous men
and women who shriek in the dead of night.

I win her over with my false bravado,
so we creak open the door to let in the sun.
The boarded up house sighs dust in our eyes,
but it can’t detour us from going inside.

Dangling strings trip us from a smashed violin,
the sound of its music now dead.
Not knowing the price of the name
“Stradivarius,” we decide upon something else.

We go home with a chair between us,
brown plush material faded and torn,
nobody else to want it, or notice it gone,
or a book of poems lamenting the dead.

While our door is open, a white cat walks in
and I drop my end of the chair in fear
because behind it comes the Cat Lady,
a real living terror walking into our home.

Rushing behind my mother’s skirts, I reveal
my ignorance of haunting things
while my mother in her compassion,
hands over the kitten, unable to calm my fears.

Chalk Smears on the Sidewalk

She is small
allowing only eighty years
to peek out from her brown babushka.
She frightens us,
her language different, indiscernible
by children playing on North Curry Street,
so the taunts begin
with cruel slurs and chalk marks
that she can not understand.

She is alone,
save six cats who need her
swirling between her shuffling feet.
They gently purr,
with a language only she understands
as the rhythm of her snapping beans
waves her paring knife in our direction.
Rocking on her porch, she smiles
at the kids who curse her.

She is misunderstood,
save my mother who protects her
when she falls coming back from her garden.
My mother covers her,
with a coat and guards her from children
who laugh as potatoes roll from her bag
pinching their noses from the scent of cat
still swarming around her
till the paramedics come.

She is carried
from the viaduct to the safety of her porch
as the story spreads through the neighborhood.
We wait by her gate,
even without dimes promised by the mailman
who believe rumors of bones in the basement,
till my mother comes out to scold us.
The Cat Lady won’t shriek in the dead of night.
It’s time for us to go home.

9/09/09 Patricia A. Hawkenson’s Reflections

Thickening the Stew

Her eighty-three years were tired,
and I had to crawl up beside her
if I wanted to hear her voice
too soft to hear at the side of the bed.

She lay with her hands clutching
the blanket close to her chin,
smiling as she rambles of days
children like me have never seen.

A farm wife, she reminds me,
knows the length of the furrows
as well as her husband.
She can look at the sky knowingly
getting the animals safe into the barn.

Her fingers tap the blanket
counting again the sixty-three jars
of beans she canned that year.
Laughing with the memory
of the potatoes cooked too long,
then only good for thickening stew.

I heard of running chickens,
burnt pie crusts,
and her sweet children
playing in the wheat fields
till the reaper came.

8/06/09 Patricia A. Hawkenson’s Reflections

No Excuse

She sat in my classroom for one hundred and eighty days.
Front left side, third from the center aisle.
16 days absent, if truth be told.
Not much of a story here.
Flu, broken bones, all the usual ailments of a twelve year old.
If my students weren’t so easily distracted
from the topic of the lesson on that day,
I would have noticed her empty desk.

She entered the room quiet, so quiet, you may have not seen her
as she slipped by with her arms wrapped
around her books and she apologized
when she slid into her chair.
Crouched down with my face closer, I asked, “What was that?”
But there wasn’t another sound coming out
from under her shield of auburn bangs,
her exaggerated part falling against nature.

She moved her hair aside so one dark pupil could peek through.
I could see she had been crying
and in our glance we agreed
to leave the story there.
Students were asked to write about a happy memory.
The bell rang and her paper handed in
told the story of her older brother
ripping a clump of her hair.

In the jostling of books as she left, I could see it was non-fiction.
Her scalp showed a shining new bald spot
the size of a fifty-cent piece
but the story written there
went on to tell of how she felt safe in the walls of this room,
and since I was her teacher
could I write her an excuse
to stay away from home?

She sat in my classroom for one hundred and sixty-four days.

Gone to Seed

In 1960, Pete and Joe
wondered as they sang
when people would ever learn
where all the flowers had gone.

Gardens used to keep children
running under its sprinkler spray
and kicking the can and water balloons
filled cut grass with fun.

Laughter road the streets on bikes
with cards click-clicking spokes
and sticks banged out a tune
on the leaning picket fence.

Yet drive the street anytime today
and no one is outside
for children left the garden,
unattended, gone to weeds.

A long time since 1960,
you and I still wonder
where flowers in our garden go
when children live inside.

7/03/09 Patricia A. Hawkenson’s Reflections

The Wind Was Singing

Dew laden grass made her shoes glisten
in the early morning sun
but the berry bushes were stingy
so she had to travel on.

The forest branches were bending to and fro
with welcoming arms that beckon children
to those dark and silent spaces
hiding quietly between the trees.

But the wind was whistling a pleasant tone,
almost a song that left a happy feeling,
so she left her basket by the mossy glen
to chase a butterfly floating on the sound.

But the dark and silent spaces
hiding quietly between the trees
eat little girls for breakfast
when the berries are not ripe.

On the Sidewalk

Much more than a solid path
directing me from place to place,
the sidewalk goes on and on
pieced tightly together
like the days we’ve lived.

Yet today, the sun’s heat
has evaporated the wet remembrances
of last night’s summer rain
turning my child’s chalk drawings
into unrecognizable colored streaks
upon the sidewalk.

The passers-by stop briefly
looking down on the cement
intrigued by the thought
of what might have been.

Then they walk on
stepping on all our dreams.

On the Way Home

Driving south on highway 63,
just past Cable,
my car takes me past the bend
where trees bow their branches wide
in homage to the Namekagon,
and its tempting glistening corridor
pulls me to its waters.

In my mind’s instant wandering
I’m on a languid inner tube
floating down the river.
Dragging a stick behind me
like a paintbrush,
I draw swooping birds
that follow me as I linger
with my hair bobbing like seaweed
catching the current.

My toes are dangling
where minnows can circle them
and my fingertips filter the coolness
as I push away from rippled rocks
where anglers could tangle me,
small mouth, or northern.

I drift away from all the thoughts
that steer me in my car
because the river flows on a different path
than where I thought I’d travel.

No Bullies Allowed

My teacher has a sign hanging in our classroom:
No Bullies Allowed.
And she means it.

She won’t let anyone
call me names like Gap or Gumby
just because my front teeth are gone.

No Bullies Allowed.

But summer is here and my teacher is on vacation
so there is no one to stop Mom
from rubbing salt in my wound
with this taunting,
butter dripping,
golden ear of corn.


5/31/09 Patrica A. Hawkenson’s Reflections

At the Eleva Broiler Festival

This small town festival
is a celebration of chicken
baked beans and vets
that fills this otherwise
empty town with life
where children are encouraged
to sit in the gutter
and take candy from strangers.

The parade goes by
filling the air with exhaust
as Shriner men drive
in crazy pursuit
of the mini car ahead
because it is fun to see
how close they come to crashing.

Coolers were packed
and blankets thrown out
as the grassy front yards
are filling with swearing
men drinking and laughing
and whistling at women.

Pretty girls ride floats
in fancy ball gowns
sashed and proudly labeled
Miss Eleva and Her Court
as they synchronize their waves
to let little girls know
what they can aspire to.

Old women take tickets
for overpriced chicken
while handing you a napkin
and directing you to
enjoy it before you get in
another line to wait
for the nearest port-a-potty.

Late into the night
as the carney lights go dark
the beer tent is empty,
and back at the camper
another baby is conceived
answering the question:
Which came first,
the chicken or the egg?

It was the chicken,
damn good broiler chicken.