Archive | September 2009

9/29/09 Patricia A. Hawkenson’s Reflections

Fledgling

I fly to the water
desiring the wisdom
of the old lake
her wrinkled ripples
urging.

My mouth closes
at each wave
as it washes over me
then gaping open
my head up
like a hungry seagull
when my needed breaths
must come.

Back on shore
I brag of my experience,
a youth seduced,
with a juicy wet
story to tell.

Illusions of Grandeur

Google Earth
has a layer
for everything
from stores,
to roads,
to trees.

But zoom
in closer
to find a techno God,
in Armageddon mode,
has deleted
all the people.

On your next
simulated trip,
zoom out further
to heaven’s layer
and see if I am there.

9/28/09 Patricia A. Hawkenson’s Reflections

Petty Theft

Another day,
another dollar-fifty.

Okay, perhaps a bit more.

But it hardly seems worth
the effort it took
to earn the day’s wage
when the crackling bones
of my tired shoulders
deposit their tension
into the deeply formed wrinkles
of my rumpled sheets.

Yet my pillow demands more,
stealing my dreams,
a child digging in his mother’s purse
hoping for quarters,
coming up empty,
and whining.

I punch my pillow
and turn to my side.

Another day
is paid for.

This entry was posted on September 28, 2009, in Uncategorized and tagged . 2 Comments

9/27/09 Patricia A. Hawkenson’s Reflections

Blood is Thicker Than Water

I probably should not
have agreed to be a zombie
in my step-daughter’s movie
where home-made blood
was tossed on me
by the bucket full.

I have successfully washed
the blood off my clothes,
but on two separate shootings,
hoping for protection
in a back pocket of my jeans,
two innocent cell phones,
were killed
by drowning.

Zombie phones
don’t come back to life.
They die forever
doing Heavy Duty.

It’s okay to use two cans
and a lifeless string
to a call a friend
when you are young
and immortal,
but not so much
at 52.

Fortitude

Under my bedspread
thrown over a card table
with only room
for a pillow,
a blanket,
a box of crackers,
and me,
safety could still
squeeze in.

But I grew
and it became difficult
to keep my legs inside,
and so I stopped
hiding there.

I would go to Mom
who would hold me
and tell me
time and time again
that everything
would be alright,
and in my innocence,
I believed her.

Until sometime in adolescence
I came home from school
and discovered
my mother crying,
no place
to hide her tears.

I pulled my bedspread
off my bed,
climbed up next to her
and wrapped it around us
telling her it would be alright.

We were old enough
to know better.
She just continued to cry.

Even though nothing was more frightening,
there was no room
to shed my tears.

Armory

She is sock footed
in her pajamas
pulling a worn throw
over her shoulder
now curving
into the deepest
corner of the couch.

I take the deep breath
that she cannot
and reach into my arsenal
of aspirin,
and hot compresses,
thermometers,
chicken soup,
and cool wet rags
to lay upon her brow.

It is hard to watch my child cry,
her eyes pink and longing,
her fingers weak and airy,
a trail of tissues
in her slow wake.

She empties her eyes,
and only the arm of the couch
and I
are able to read the message
in the wet dots
she drops:

Fix me, Mom.

I sit next to her
my hand rubbing on her foot,
her eyes finally closing
in exhausted sleep.

We breathe.

9/25/09 Patricia A. Hawkenson’s Reflections

Noodles Stay in the Strainer

From the protection of the roof’s overhang
I stand waiting for the rain to let up,
but my hectic schedule and the rain’s
are on different timetables.

Somewhere between the store and my car
the accumulation of wetness
reaches the point where my shoulders drop
from their guarded state to acceptance.

My feet stop as my head tips rain
down the slippery slide of my face
to my shirt now completely soaking
while other shoppers scurry by.

They shake rain from their hair
in disbelief as I completely surrender
my grocery bags in uplifted hands,
a helicopter between parked cars.

A dry child in the next car,
her Nuk and eyebrows raising,
already possesses enough knowledge
to see I’m slipping through.

9/22/09 Patricia A. Hawkenson’s Reflections

Bridge Support

Connecting South Curry Street to North Curry Street,
the city begins its race toward progress
building a viaduct over the her garden
spanning three gridiron railroad tracks.

The coal dust settles as the trains roll by
with warning horns echoing off the concrete.
The cats begin to wander farther from home,
her concern for them not allowing her sleep.

Her fear settles on the train’s slicing wheels,
while her cats scurry from their grinding sound.
Their stomachs empty, no mice to chase,
rumble like the trains that scare them away.

She sings for her cats to come in from the rain
that nourishes the leaves of her buried potatoes
growing under the viaduct, not under the sun,
hardly producing a bagful to harvest.

The city waits for her elderly years to wither.
They want her land for a convenience store
where people can come in the dead of night
to buy their cats milk and a sack of potatoes.

Not So Black and White

Before being demolished today, the Skunk House,
with haunting empty rooms was an invitation to teens
who wrote on the walls and destroyed furniture
while stabbing a dressmaker’s dummy to death.

City officials, knowing my mother,
and thinking of possible items of value,
suggest she venture in to see what she wants,
perhaps there are books her children could read.

I beg my mother to let me go with,
not afraid of spooks or terrorizing ghosts,
or the stories kids tell of murderous men
and women who shriek in the dead of night.

I win her over with my false bravado,
so we creak open the door to let in the sun.
The boarded up house sighs dust in our eyes,
but it can’t detour us from going inside.

Dangling strings trip us from a smashed violin,
the sound of its music now dead.
Not knowing the price of the name
“Stradivarius,” we decide upon something else.

We go home with a chair between us,
brown plush material faded and torn,
nobody else to want it, or notice it gone,
or a book of poems lamenting the dead.

While our door is open, a white cat walks in
and I drop my end of the chair in fear
because behind it comes the Cat Lady,
a real living terror walking into our home.

Rushing behind my mother’s skirts, I reveal
my ignorance of haunting things
while my mother in her compassion,
hands over the kitten, unable to calm my fears.

Chalk Smears on the Sidewalk

She is small
allowing only eighty years
to peek out from her brown babushka.
She frightens us,
her language different, indiscernible
by children playing on North Curry Street,
so the taunts begin
with cruel slurs and chalk marks
that she can not understand.

She is alone,
save six cats who need her
swirling between her shuffling feet.
They gently purr,
with a language only she understands
as the rhythm of her snapping beans
waves her paring knife in our direction.
Rocking on her porch, she smiles
at the kids who curse her.

She is misunderstood,
save my mother who protects her
when she falls coming back from her garden.
My mother covers her,
with a coat and guards her from children
who laugh as potatoes roll from her bag
pinching their noses from the scent of cat
still swarming around her
till the paramedics come.

She is carried
from the viaduct to the safety of her porch
as the story spreads through the neighborhood.
We wait by her gate,
even without dimes promised by the mailman
who believe rumors of bones in the basement,
till my mother comes out to scold us.
The Cat Lady won’t shriek in the dead of night.
It’s time for us to go home.

9/21/09 Patricia A. Hawkenson’s Reflections

Out Of My League

There’s a lot of love in tennis,
the back and forth banter
that only works
when you keep your balls in motion.

I have to admit that it is true
that I enjoy the game more
when I am playing an opponent
who knows the game better than me.

But I never understood how
love equals zero
until you hit the ball
out of our court.

She brought it back,
the best of three,
to win the match
I lost.

9/19/09 Patricia A. Hawkenson’s Reflections

10, 11, All Good Girls Go to Heaven

If she had been good
at taking advice
she would have listened to me.

But she lacked that skill,
and a few others.
He would count them
one-by-one
until she started pouring
pills faster than liquor.

Only her pharmacist knows
how much she loved him
by the number of pills
he counted two-by-two
into a bottle labeled
with his urgent warnings.

She is now an expert
of out-of-body experiences,
taking her away
where abused women live,
black veils covering
one-and-all,
a side effect of love.

Sticky Business

Post it notes scribbled with necessities
cluttered his desktop
and spilled over to his fridge
until he was connected
by minute threads of paper fiber
pressing their collected
importance into the back of his neck
where his repeated rubbing
could not erase.

She made the mistake
of moving THE note
off the mirror so she could apply
a tempting slather of rose red lipstick
and was admonished
with a collected list
of important reminders
of just how necessary
his paper trail was.

But then he saw
the litter of her femininity,
her trailing shoes and brushes,
her nylons and earrings,
her lingering lavender perfume,
had been carefully packed
and abruptly removed.

He posted another note
written in pen
so as not to erase:

Apologize.

9/16/09 Patricia A. Hawkenson’s Reflections

Shucking Corn

I am strong now
sitting on the rocker.
My feet push against
the wooden plank floor
and I cuddle my elbows
inside of my sleeves.

Looking through the screen
to the hillside beyond,
the earth’s boney spine
curves up within its
fall sweater, too,
trying to find warmth.

The farmer has abandoned
the field and the waving arms
of dying corn
try to lure my eyes
into the depressions
between its rows.

But leaves are already
clinging in broken bits
to the bottom of my jeans.
I have traveled
through the maze.

I pick them off.

No sense wondering
what I left
clinging in the cornfield
now that I am
free.

Calm Under Pressure

My grandma’s radiator had a bleed valve
that had a little wicker woven tassel
hanging from its side.
She warned me not to touch it
’cause it was HOT!

Sometimes she let me watch her
turn the valve with the bleed key
releasing collected pressure
with a hissing steam.

sssssssss…

Grandma is no longer with me.
I’m afraid I need that key.
I feel the heating pressure
building next to me,
’cause you are HOT!

sssssssss…

9/14/09 Patricia A. Hawkenson’s Reflections

An Invitation to My Love

Our party was over,
and every ounce of me emptied.
Limp and tossed aside,
I am a dying balloon.

To live, I must find
another cause to celebrate,
but you hold the air
I need.

I pull you to me
inhaling your strength,
and when I can stand again,
I push you away
on the exhale.

Yet a tingle lingers
on my fingertips,
and all I desire
is to drag you back
so we can gasp again.

9/11/09 Patricia A. Hawkenson’s Reflections

His Desire

The buffet was overloaded.
Steaming choices tantalized.
Her plate filled itself
with her eyes on the melting butter,
her hand on the spoon, unseen.
Jello mingled with hamburger hotdish,
cheese on the salad sliding into
chicken boldly touching peas,
breaking the sinful taboo of youth.

She ate with the wild voraciousness
of a belly knowing only water,
and he stared at her,
fascinated by the motions
of her fork and knife,
a choreographed dance
upon her plate,
the brazen licking of her knife.

But there was no embarrassment,
no shame in her gluttony,
only her head finally leaning back
allowing the last taste of tiramisu
to find its way past her tongue
where it lingered
to her stomach
now beyond satisfied.

He left the dining room
a beaten man,
whipped like mashed potatoes.

No possible way to compete.